On The Outside Looking In
by NickyM96
Summary: JASAM 2004 . This is a series of One Shots. None of the stories are connected and can be read apart from the other. But they all are about the same thing - other people's perception of the growing relationship between Jason and Sam.
1. In the Blink of an Eye

_This is a series of One Shots. None of the stories are connected and can be read apart from the other. But they all are about the same thing - other people's perception of the relationship between Jason and Sam. The fun part will be guessing who the speaker of each story is before it's revealed _:-)

Title - On the Outside Looking In: In the Blink of an Eye  
Rating - PG  
Summary - Story 1 in a series of one shots about the evolution of JaSam, seen from the outside.  
Spoilers - This takes place before the 9/20/2004 episode when Jason gives Sam the 'papers' that Sonny wants her to sign.  
Disclaimer - Characters not mine. Just borrowing them. Please don't sue.

_Written: May 7, 2005_

**On the Outside Looking In  
****Part I**

_by Nicky_

"In the Blink of an Eye"

It's funny how things seem to happen in the blink of an eye. One minute, your kids are babies. The next, they're running around like real, independent little people. One minute you see yourself as young and invincible. The next, more gray hairs greet you each time you look at yourself in the mirror. It isn't any different with love. One minute, you think you know what love is. The next, it's gone before you even realize things were going wrong.

Standing on the outside is never a place I saw myself. I was the mover. The shaker. The man that made things happen. I was the man that women wanted. The man they'd do anything for. I guess I should have realized that one of these days, one of those women would figure out I was getting far more than I gave. I never thought in a million years that woman would be Sam McCall.

What Sam and I had was fun. It was a relationship forged out of a mutual need to break with reality. When Carly woke from her coma, I wasn't as clueless as everyone thought. I sensed that our connection wasn't there. I saw how she couldn't resist Lorenzo Alcazar. Yet, I persisted, hoping she'd remember our love and come back to me. The love may not have been perfect, but it was ours. We had built it up together. And it meant everything to me. So when Alcazar stole that very love that Carly and I worked so hard to create, anger doesn't even begin to describe how I felt.

Yes I was angry at Alcazar. But if I'm honest, the person I was most upset with was Carly. She left me emotionally long before I saw her in that man's arms. As much as I tried to deny it, I knew it was only a matter of time before I saw what I walked in on. I saw red. But strangely enough, I didn't try to kill the parasite. I turned and ran and found the first available pair of arms. I needed comfort, so I ran to the one place I knew I would get it.

To this day, I still don't know why Sam ever took me in her bed. I was emotionally barren. I had nothing to give her, yet she loved me anyway. I felt so guilty when I found out she was pregnant, that I tried to care about her. I tried to pretend I could fall in love with her. But my heart belonged completely to my wife. And when we reconciled, I realized I hadn't done anything but string poor Sam along. I felt even worse that Jason was now stuck with a problem I created.

Jason is good that way. He's good at cleaning up the messes that I make. And that baby Sam's carrying is one of the biggest messes ever. But he takes it like a trooper. Everyday, he lives with the woman in love with me. The woman who's carrying my child. The woman who's . . . looking at him like he's the only man in the room. Hmm. That's new. I never saw her look at me that way.

I watch them for a few minutes, Sam animatedly telling some story that is obviously amusing Jason because he's doing something I rarely see him do – he's smiling. It never occurred to me that he was even capable of smiling. But I have the proof right in front of me. It actually makes me wish I had one of those camera phones so that I can document this moment for posterity's sake. But something tells me this isn't that uncommon an occasion for the two of them. It looks like something that happens all the time.

Sam and I shared a lot of laughs. We had a lot of fun. But it seemed different with us than it does with her and Jason. It takes me a second, but looking closer at them, I can see what that difference is. Joy. They have it. Sam and I didn't. Too bad. Because that sparkle in her eyes and the way her face is lighting up just being in his presence makes her look really beautiful. She was always attractive to me, but never this luminescent. Maybe it's the baby. They say pregnant women have a special glow.

They start to get up and I worry about them spotting me as I spy on them. But that won't be a problem. She just has to use the bathroom. That must be a private joke between them because Jason outright laughs at her and she playfully swats him on the arm before waddling away. Wow. There are two words I never thought I'd associate with Jason Morgan. Laughing and playful. But it's true. Something happens to him when he's with Sam. She can seemingly transform him into a different man without even trying.

Since he's alone now, I walk into Kelly's, expecting him to see me and see if there's anything I need. That's what Jason usually does. But oddly enough, he doesn't even notice me. His eyes have been glued to the restroom area where Sam has disappeared. Moments later she returns and I catch an awestruck look on his face when he sees her. But he quickly hides it when she looks up at him. He rises and takes her hand, helping her lower her bulky form back into her seat before taking his own seat again.

They spend the next few minutes in silence, their hunger getting the better of them. As they eat their lunch, they occasionally look up and give each other a shy smile. Pretty soon, Sam's the only one eating and I notice Jason just staring at her, almost as if he's unable to take his eyes off of her.

"What?" I hear her say from my seat not to far away from them. "Why are you just looking at me like that?"

"You," he stops and laughs, reaching down for a napkin and raising it up to her face. "You've got ketchup on your chin."

"That's so embarrassing," she moans, trying to take the napkin from him. But he doesn't let her get it. Instead, he gently cups her face with one hand while wiping away the stain with the other.

"All done," he says so quietly that I almost don't hear him.

At this point, I expect him to take his hands from her face. But he doesn't. They just sit there, staring at each other, his hand still on her cheek. He finally drops the napkin to the table and I think he's finally going to let her get back to eating. But he does the last thing I expect. He sweeps her hair from off of her forehead, tucking it behind her ear. And she lets him, the look on her face telling me it's something he does all the time.

Then it finally starts to sink into my thick skull what's going on. I don't know why I didn't see it before. The looks. The touches. The laughing. The playing. It's so obvious to me now. They have fallen for each other. I don't think they know it yet, though. Because when he looks at her, I can see his struggle to hide his feelings. And when she talks to him, I can see her efforts to make it all seem like a big joke.

But it's so visible in other ways. For one thing, Jason is constantly watching her to make sure she's okay. Even though he tries to hide his feelings, he just can't manage to take his eyes off of her whenever she's in the room with him. And when she isn't, I think he actually misses her. For another thing, he talks about her all the time. In our meetings, he's been reporting to me more and more about Sam than he has on the baby. I don't know why I didn't realize this before.

Sam is another story. Instead of adoring me, she's been yelling at me lately. Instead of trying to spend time with me, she's been doing her best to avoid me. I chalked it up to hormones or to her struggling to deal with me reconciling with my wife. But I see now that it's something else entirely. She doesn't yell at me because she loves me and it hurts her not to be with me. She's not avoiding me to keep herself from wanting to kiss me. She simply has fallen out of love with me. And now she's in love with Jason.

This is something I didn't anticipate. Jason swore he'd never fall in love again after Courtney. But somehow, Sam snuck in under his radar. Looking at the woman she's become, it's easy to see how he could have fallen for her. She's funny and radiant and beautiful when she's with him. I feel a sharp pang in my chest when I realize that she was never any of those things with me. She was shameful. Forbidden. Naughty. She was my little whore. And that's just how I treated her. I just used her up and tossed her away when I was done with her.

So I should feel happy that my best friend can treat her like the prize she is. I should feel happy that she's finally getting the love and respect she deserves. So why don't I? Why do I feel as betrayed by Sam and Jason as I did by Carly and Alcazar? Why do I feel as if Jason has stolen what was rightfully mine? Better yet, what am I going to do to stop this?

Penny, that cute waitress who works here, comes by to offer me some coffee, but I wave her off. She just nods and walks over to Sam and Jason's table, giving me the perfect cover to leave unnoticed. When I get outside, I take out my phone and dial my lawyer. Jason may have gotten my girl, but he won't get it all. He won't get my child.

"Yeah, I need some papers drawn up," I tell him. "I need to make it very plain to Sam McCall that the baby she's carrying belongs to me. The baby will have my name so that there will be no mistaking who its father is."

All the other details, he can take care of. This is what I pay him for. So long as it's made clear that I'm the father of Sam's baby, I don't care what else the papers say.

Jason and Sam won't always be so clueless about their feelings. One day, they're going to finally admit to what I realized this afternoon. They're in love. And they're going to try to squeeze me out of my child's life. I'm not going to let that happen. I just need her to sign those papers.

A wicked thought comes to mind and it almost frightens me how brilliant I am. I'll get Jason to make her sign them. He works for me. He'll do what I say. She'll see then what's really important in his life. And she'll see that it's not her.

So let them have each other for now. It won't last. Sam will regret the day she chose my best friend over me.

The end.


	2. I Love You, Thank You

_This is a series of One Shots. None of the stories are connected and can be read apart from the other. But they all are about the same thing - other people's perception of the relationship between Jason and Sam. The fun part will be guessing who the speaker of each story is before it's revealed _:-)

Title - On the Outside Looking In: I Love You - Thank You  
Rating - PG  
Summary - Story 2 in a series of one shots about the evolution of JaSam, seen from the outside.  
Spoilers - This takes place during the 11/10/2004-11/11/2004 episodes just after Sam had lost her baby.  
Disclaimer - Characters not mine. Just borrowing them. Please don't sue.

_Written: May 9, 2005_

**On the Outside Looking In  
****Part II**

_by Nicky_

"I Love You . . . Thank You"

Thank you? I tell him that I love him and he says thank you? Not exactly the response a girl likes to hear, even if it is from an ex-husband. An ex-husband. Me. That thought makes me laugh. Never in my wildest dreams would I have ever thought I'd be divorced at this point in my life. And not just once, but twice.

When I married AJ, I thought I loved him. No, I did love him. I just thought that he loved me. But I was stupid. I listened to his words and wanted to believe him, but his actions proved otherwise. Who in their right mind stalks his own wife? Yes, that was the wonder known as Husband #1.

Lousy as he was, I should have known that things wouldn't have fared much better for me with my second marriage since I married the brother of Husband #1, after having had an affair with him. I think it was just too much, karmically speaking, for me to get away with. It really is no wonder Jason and I ended. As much as we loved each other, I just couldn't stay with him knowing the kind of man he is.

And before you ask, yes. I knew what kind of man he was when I married him. I guess I assumed if he expected me to change my ideals to be able to accept his lifestyle, I expected him to be able to at least consider changing his occupation. Like I said, we were doomed from the start. I deserve a man who'd do anything for me and Jason just isn't that man.

Jax is that man. He's wonderful to me. And I'm really starting to fall for him. There's just one problem with him, though. He isn't Jason. And up until just now, I was fine with that. Because while I had Jax in my bed, I knew that I had Jason's love. And that was enough for me, knowing that he loved me and couldn't have me. Okay, that sounded bad. I didn't mean it quite that way. It's not like I expect Jason to be pining away for me or anything. Actually, now that I think about it, that's exactly what I want. I don't want to ever feel as if he's gotten over me.

Which is exactly the feeling I'm feeling now. Jason is over me. And it hurts so much more than I thought it would. Probably because I thought it never would happen. Let's face it, the boy was pretty miserable without me. I felt guilty every time he ran into Jax and me together because he'd have that pathetic look on his face letting me know exactly how much our being apart was hurting him. Maybe that's what I wanted. Maybe I thought that he'd eventually realize what he lost when he lost me and finally decide to change his life. I'd take him back in a heartbeat.

But now, I'm not so sure he'd want me anymore. Because when I told him I loved him just now, the look on his face was one of surprise, as if thinking of me and love in the same sentence is a foreign concept to him. But then something happened. Don't get me wrong, I actually did see love in his eyes. Just not for me. And the funny thing is that he seemed just as surprised as I was. Almost as if he didn't realize that he . . . oh crap. He didn't know. And thanks to my big mouth, now he does.

While I've been prancing around town dangling my relationship with Jax in front of his face, the love of my life has managed to fall in love with the last person anyone expected. And I've just managed to point that fact out to him. Good going, Matthews. I peek into the hospital room and watch him take his place next to her bedside. She looks so delicate and fragile. Pale and helpless. No wonder he's so protective of her.

No one will admit sooner than me the horrible tragedy that has befallen Sam. I know exactly what she's going through. Losing a child is a terrible, terrible thing to have to go through. But I went through it too. And when I did, I don't recall my wonderful husband being this attentive, this distraught.

Sam McCall wasn't supposed to matter. She was the woman who broke up the marriage between my brother and my best friend. She's the woman who made my husband lie to me and claim to be the father of her child. She's nothing but a snake and a manipulator. A two-bit con artist and a hooker to boot. So what does she have that seems to draw the men in my life? First Jax, then Sonny. Now Jason. What could he possibly see in her?

She's a thief. She's a liar. She's a killer. Or at least, we all thought she was for a while there. It's turns out she really didn't kill her mother, but didn't want her mentally challenged brother to go to jail for doing it. I guess I can respect that. I can't really talk. I tried to get my brother sent to prison. A fact that Jason never seemed to forgive me for. I guess that's when I knew things were really over between us. I just didn't want to accept it, not even when we signed the divorce papers.

I bet Sam would never try to send Sonny to prison. I bet Sam can accept all the dirty deeds they do. It doesn't seem to bother her as much as it bothered me. Maybe because she lives that kind of life where crime doesn't bother her. I should be happy that Jason has found someone who can accept him. But I'm not. I can't believe that he would choose that trash over me.

Okay, that's not nice. But I can't help it. I hate the woman. I mean, sure. I know that she more than likely didn't force herself on Jax or Sonny. It was as much their decision to sleep with her as it was hers. And sure, Jax seems to make it a common theme of his to combine the pursuit of sex and money. It's entirely possible he was trying to screw Sam over as much as she was him. And if I were entirely honest with myself, if Sonny and Carly had been having a happy marriage, neither of them would have sought comfort in the arms of others. But he was in fact married at the time. Sam should have respected that marriage. She should have respected those vows. I mean, what kind of woman sleeps another woman's husband? I would never stoop that low. To sleep with a married man, that is. My affair with Jason was an entirely different thing all together. For one thing, he wasn't married. And I'm sure there are other reasons that make what I did better than what Sam did, but I can't think of them right now.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying she was an entirely horrible person. I'm sure she loved her baby and will be devastated to find out the baby's gone.

"This experience, Sam being pregnant, allowing herself to believe she could be a mother, it's changed Sam," I had just told Jason minutes before the unreturned 'I love you'. And it's true. This baby really did change Sam. She would have been a good mother with Jason's help. Maybe that's why I hate her so. She almost gave him the baby that I failed to. He led me to believe he wasn't ready for children, but he was all too eager to claim this one as his own. Maybe if he had been as excited about our own child, that child would be here today. And we'd be together and happy.

I'm suddenly very depressed and it has nothing to do with the death of the tiny person, who just happened to have been my niece. I should be mourning her loss, but the only loss I can think about is the loss of Jason's love from my life and how he's now throwing it away on Sam McCall.

I look around and notice that I'm now in front of the nursery where they keep the newborns, where Sam's baby would be now if she had lived. I guess I've been wandering around the hospital, probably for hours if the ache in my feet is any indication. I've been so distracted that I don't even notice the commotion until I almost walk up on it.

"Excuse me, Miss," a nurse says to me. "I don't mean to be rude, but could this visit possibly wait until another time?"

It's an odd request, but she seems sincerely concerned, tears glistening in her eyes.

"It's not a problem. I was just coming to see the babies," I explain and turn to leave. But my curiosity gets the better of me and I have to ask what's going on. The nurse raises a tissue to her eyes and points down the hall at a sight that has me gasping in surprise.

"We can check every ID bracelet of every baby in there, but she's not going to be there," I hear Jason softly say to Sam. They're sitting on the floor and he's holding her close, his hand stroking her hair and a constant, soothing motion.

"My . . .my baby, is she really . . . "

"Sam, you had something called abruption placentae. You were bleeding inside, and your baby couldn't get enough oxygen, so they did an emergency C-section, but it was too late. She was already gone," he explains to her and I'm surprised at the cold, clinical way he delivers the news. But underneath, I can also hear his voice quiver and I know it's taking everything in him to hold it together for her sake.

"Oh, my baby. My little girl," she sobs, making it hard for me to hold in my own tears. The nurse beside me gently pulls on my arms and we walk away, leaving them to suffer this moment in private.

As I reach the elevator and step inside, I realize that Jason is right where he needs to be, with the woman he needs to be with. He needs her as much as she needs him right now. Both their hearts are breaking and I don't envy the struggle it's going to take for them to heal.

It still hurts that something like this, that tore Jason and I apart, is ironically bringing Jason and Sam closer. But what they're going through now surely hurts a lot worse. I have no cause for complaints. I have money, a nice home, a rewarding career, and a man who adores me. Sam may feel like she's lost everything, but she has more than she thinks. She has Jason. And that's a lot. I should know. He used to be everything to me, but not anymore. What I have now is everything to me. Jax and my foundation, they're my everything. They're all that I've ever wanted and more.

Maybe if I keep telling myself that, I'll eventually believe it.

The end.


	3. The Funny Thing About Fate

_This is a series of One Shots. None of the stories are connected and can be read apart from the other. But they all are about the same thing - other people's perception of the relationship between Jason and Sam. The fun part will be guessing who the speaker of each story is before it's revealed _:-)

Title - On the Outside Looking In: The Funny Thing About Fate  
Rating - G  
Summary - Story 3 in a series of one shots about the evolution of JaSam, seen from the outside.  
Spoilers - This takes place during the 11/24/2004 episode after Sam had lost her baby and she's on her way home from the hospital.  
Disclaimer - Characters not mine. Just borrowing them. Please don't sue.

_Written: May 12, 2005_

**On the Outside Looking In  
****Part III**

_by Nicky_

"The Funny Thing About Fate"

I'm not sure whether to call nursing my calling or my vocation. Growing up, I always thought I'd be an artist. I loved to paint. I loved going into my studio and locking myself away from the rest of the world for hours. Sometimes even days. In the crazy, mixed up world I lived in, I found peace and order in my studio. I could create sun on a cloudy day. I could cover the dark, ugliness around me with pure, driven snow. I could even draw myself an entirely new world, when my real one became too much for me to take.

For a long time, Lucky was a part of that world. But after Helena brainwashed him, things were never quite the same. He became part of the world I was running from. And someone else joined the inner sanctum of my studio haven. It was someone I never expected and we developed a bond I've never felt with another.

Jason and I were . . . I never really knew. We never really had the chance to find out. I guess that was fate's way of telling me we weren't meant to be. Sometimes I get sad, remembering how close we used to be during that time he hid out in my studio. But then I get even sadder when I remember all the times I lied to Lucky about my feelings for him. It just wasn't the best situation. Fortunately, Jason and I have been able to remain friends throughout it all. Even that Courtney fiasco.

That was a mess. I'll admit that I was jealous of Courtney. She was the embodiment of all the fears and insecurities I had as a teenager. She was the tall, blond, beautiful woman that men fell for, the ones who made them forget about little old me. She was my sister all over again. Before Courtney, I thought it was only a matter of time before Jason and I worked things out. But once again, fate reared its ugly head and blew that theory out of the water. Once again, Jason and I were broken apart before we had a chance to get together.

It's a funny thing, that fate. My destiny. My reason for being. I thought my path in life would lead me to painting and Jason. All that changed when I met the man I plan on loving the rest of my life. The day my son was born, fate once again dealt me a hand that would change my life forever. Jason is a wonderful man, but his life is too dangerous. I can't subject my son to that kind of peril. And painting is still a love of mine, but it won't support Cameron and me. So fate brought me home and home brought me to nursing.

Nursing is great. Better than I thought it would be. School is tough, especially being a single mom. But the rewards far outweigh the downsides. I get to help people. I get to be the person I always knew I could be. Plus, I'm too busy to worry about trying to start something up with Jason again. I know now that would be a disaster. Fate only had to intervene so many times before I got that message.

But ironically enough, fate still seems to have its hand in my life, showing me in no uncertain terms that my life is how it should be. I guess once Courtney and Jason broke up, a small part of me hoped for us to try yet again. Fate is making sure I don't make that mistake again.

"Elizabeth," the head nurse on my floor calls to me. "The patient in room 308 is ready to be released. Could you make sure she gets into the wheelchair and downstairs. Maybe call her a cab. I don't think the poor thing has a ride home. And she refuses to call that handsome man of hers."

"I'll get right on it, Nurse Rogers," I say with a smile, showing more enthusiasm that I feel. I know who's in room 308. It's Sam McCall's room. I've been there more than once while she's been in here, but never while she was awake. I just could never come up with anything to say to her.

It's not like Sam and I were best friends or anything. But she's nice. I like her. And I think she's good for Jason. She seems to give him something that I've never seen anyone ever give him. She even almost gave him a child. I know that it wasn't his child, but he didn't seem to care. He loved that baby as much as she did. Of that, I'm sure of. It broke my heart to watch him cradle Sam's baby in his arms, holding that tiny, lifeless little body for the one and only time.

I brush away a stray tear before pasting on another smile and walking into Sam's room to get her. It takes everything in me not to start crying again. She looks devastated, crushed, and so alone. I don't know why she doesn't want Jason here, but it's not really my place to do anything about it.

She's silent as I help her into the wheelchair, pushing her towards the exit. I can't take the silence anymore and try to make small talk to make the awkwardness a little more bearable.

"You must be glad to be going home," I say, trying to sound pleasant.

"I'm not glad about much of anything these days."

Of course she isn't. I'm such an idiot. I can't believe I said that to a woman who came into the hospital with a perfectly healthy baby growing inside of her and is leaving with nothing but empty arms and an even emptier womb. I try to apologize and lighten the moment, but even that is a big failure.

"I'm really sorry. I didn't mean that. The whole foot-in-mouth thing I do a lot."

"No, it's ok. Listen, I. . ."

"Sam, I don't know if this going to help, but a while ago I suffered a miscarriage," I say, interrupting her, hoping my own personal story will . . . I don't know. But I have to try to say something. Maybe something I say will give her some hope. "The pain is unspeakable, but it does lessen over time. And believe it or not, one day you'll just wake up and notice the sun is still shining."

Okay, so that was corny. True, but corny. And probably not what she wants to hear right now. But that doesn't matter anymore once the elevator doors open and the last person she wants to see steps out.

"You're ready to go?" Jason asks her, confused to see her out the room and on the way out the door.

"She was just released," I explain to him before she can come up with some excuse to push him away. She may not realize this, but she needs him. And what she realizes even less is that he needs her too. I don't want either of them to endure more pain than necessary. Not when they can help each other.

My plan, seems to work. Because just about the sweetest thing happens, right in front of my eyes. First, Jason asks, "why didn't you call me?" He seemed so hurt that she's cut him out like this. It's my immediate reaction to grab him and hug him to shield him from that hurt. I guess it's the mothering instinct coming out of me. But I know they have to handle this themselves. I know I should leave them alone to deal with this, but I don't. Hey, sue me. I'm nosy. I, myself, am curious of the answer to Jason's question. So instead of stepping away to give them some privacy, I turn my attention to Sam to see what she says.

"Because you're not responsible for me anymore, Jason."

Oh, poor girl. There's nothing worse than feeling like a guy is with you out of pity. But something tells me that's not the case. Jason has real feelings for Sam. She just doesn't realize it yet. But after what he says next, she should have no doubts.

"Sam, I never was, but I still want to be the one to take you home."

I have to bite my lip to hold in the gasp that's about to escape. How sweet was that? Jason has never been one for lots of words. But he certainly knows how and when to say the right thing. And that . . . definitely the right thing.

I smile as I look at her face and realize his words have reached her heart. What he said about taking her home seems to be just what she needed to hear. She looks up at him with awe. He looks down at her with a look of . . . is that love? This time I have to put my hand over my mouth to keep him my shocked outcry. I knew he cared for her as a friend and roommate. I knew he planned to be the father of her baby. But this love thing is something new.

It can't be new to him, though. Jason just doesn't just give his love to anyone that quickly. I should know. It took us forever to face our feelings for each other. And something tells me that Sam doesn't either. But looking at her, I can see it in her eyes as well. No, this isn't new. The love has been there for a while. What's new is their realization of it. I'm not sure even Jason knew that he loved Sam as much as he obviously does. Sam certainly didn't have a clue. If she wasn't so heart broken over her child, I think she'd actually be happy. But at the moment, I think she's just content not to have to be alone anymore. And suddenly, my advice to her doesn't seem so corny anymore. Something tells me she's going to notice the sun shining, maybe sooner than she expected.

I step away from the two of them now. They don't need me anymore. They can handle things from here. I walk away, my spirit lighter than it has been in a long time. I'm finally free from the 'what ifs' associated with my relationship with Jason. What we had wasn't love. And I know now that it never will be because he's found his love. And fate allowed me to see it all, probably before they see it themselves.

It's a funny thing, that fate. It always interferes at the strangest of times. But it always seems to get the best results. Jason and I are finally in the place we should be. He's happy and in love. And even though it's not with me, I couldn't be happier for him.

The end.


	4. Broken Hearts

_This is a series of One Shots. None of the stories are connected and can be read apart from the other. But they all are about the same thing - other people's perception of the relationship between Jason and Sam. The fun part will be guessing who the speaker of each story is before it's revealed _:-)

Title - On the Outside Looking In: Broken Hearts  
Rating - PG  
Summary - Story 4 in a series of one shots about the evolution of JaSam, seen from the outside.  
Spoilers - This takes place during the episode in early June 2004 when Jason and Sam announce the Quartermaines that they're getting married in the middle of one of Courntey's Foundation events.  
Disclaimer - Characters not mine. Just borrowing them. Please don't sue.

_Written: July 22, 2005_

**On the Outside Looking In  
****Part IV**

_by Nicky_

"Broken Hearts"

Jason was four years old the first time he fell in love. He came to me one day and said, "Mommy, I love you." I just smiled, the way a mother smiles when her baby boy is telling her he loves her, and returned the sentiment, barely looking up from the medical journal I was reading. He let out a sigh that let me know he wasn't finished yet.

"But you're my mommy and I can't marry you because you're already married to Daddy."

I put the journal down then, pulling the small boy onto my lap. He was such a precocious little thing that I couldn't help but be enthralled by any conversation we had. His rationalization skills never ceased to amaze me. For one so young, he could think things through and reason like a child twice his age. That's how I knew I was in for an interesting exchange with him.

"That's true, Jason. Your daddy and I are married and we're going to stay that way. What's on your mind, Sweetheart?"

"Charlene," he said seriously, his little brow furrowing. "I want to marry her."

I tried to hold back my laugh, but couldn't quite contain it. Charlene was Jason's nanny. And though she had about 20 years on him, I don't think he cared about that too much.

"You love Charlene, huh?"

"I do," his little face still so solemn. "Not as much as I love you, though, Mommy."

"That's good to know, Baby," I smiled, ruffling his hair. "And I'm sure Charlene loves you, too. But you're not old enough to marry her."

"Can I marry her on my next birthday?"

"No, not then either, Jason. I was thinking more along the lines of you waiting until you turn Charlene's age. Let me explain something to you. Mommies only get a few years to love their little boys until those little boys grow up and want to marry another woman. If you marry Charlene now, I won't have a baby boy anymore."

"I'm not a baby," he said with a pout, crossing his arms over his chest before looking up at me through those impossibly long eyelashes with those huge blue eyes. I gave him my own fake pout and instantly his face softened. "But I'll always be your baby, Mommy. And I won't ever love anyone more than I love you. Can I have a cookie?"

I wrapped my arms around him, amazed at the way his mind worked. He may have been brilliant, but he still had the attention span of the four-year-old little boy that he was.

"Sure. Just one, though. Tell Cook that I said it was okay."

Of course, by the time he was Charlene's age, so much had changed with him. I doubt he even remembered her, let alone his vow to marry her when he got old enough. And I'm sure he forgot all about his vow to always love me more than anyone. He actually forgot how to love me at all. I think that, more than any other tragedy in my life, has broken my heart the worst.

I watched him grow up. I watched him fall in love more times than I could count. But I also watched his heart get broken more times than I cared to. If I could have shielded him from the pain, I would have. But I realized it was just something my little boy would have to endure for himself.

The first girl to break his heart was Karen Wexler. She was pretty. She was smart. But she was poor. But she was determined to make a better life for herself. I admired that about her. I just didn't like to see her string my poor baby along. I'm just glad Jason was able to see how much she was in love with Jagger before his heart got too shattered. Theirs was a puppy love romance, with Jason doing most of the chasing. I don't want to say that she was using him, but I do think she felt Jason was her ticket out of the muck and mire known as her life. Like I said, I'm just glad things ended up the way they were supposed to end up without any hard feelings between Jason and Karen.

Next was Keesha Ward. This time, Jason didn't get his heart broken. Keesha did instead, poor thing. I liked Keesha. She was good for my son. She made him happy and being with her made him a better person. They had so much in common, with one huge exception. And don't think of me as racist or anything, but I don't think it's a difference they would have been able to overcome in the long run. I think their fate would have matched that of their grandparents. I think they would have loved each other forever, like Edward and Mary Mae. And like Edward and Mary Mae, I don't think love would have been enough.

Don't get me wrong. I do believe love can overcome obstacles. But there are just some obstacles even love can't get you past. Jason's accident being one very big obstacle that comes to mind. In the blink of an eye, Keesha, along with the rest of us Quartermaines, lost the man that we all loved very much. And it seemed as if the more we loved him, the further away from us he tried to get. Until one day, we all finally realized we weren't getting Jason back. I don't know what happened between them, but I saw Keesha running out of the mansion one day, shaking like a leaf and crying so hard I thought she was about to collapse. I calmed her down as best I could, but I could tell by the look in her eyes that Jason was gone to her forever. It was the first time I had seen love fail my son.

After his accident, we didn't think he'd ever be able to feel again. So imagine our surprise when Robin came into the picture. She taught him to open his heart again. And I do believe he loved her. But I think what he loved most about her was the lack of a future with her. Robin, being HIV positive, could very well live to a ripe old age. But it's more likely that she won't be around for that long. And a part of me wonders if that is what attracted the new Jason to her. It doesn't matter, though. She hurt him as well.

So did Carly.

So did Courtney.

Courtney surprised me. But Carly, I had no doubts about. I knew she was no good for my son and only brought him heartache. Both my sons. She pitted them against each other using her child as a pawn to control them both. I guess when I think about it, Robin really did love my son. She sacrificed herself for him. She had to have known that by betraying him, he'd never be able to trust her again. But she also knew that doing nothing would allow Carly to continue to use him. So she did the only thing she figured she could do. She told the truth. And started a war between two brothers that will probably follow them to their graves.

They fought over Michael. They fought over Carly. And they fought over Courtney.

Courtney. She was a disaster waiting to happen. Why Jason had an affair with his brother's wife, I'll never know. Why he, against better judgment and advice, fell in love with Sonny's sister, is something I'll never figure out. That was just a bad situation all around and was bound to end up in a nasty way. I really am surprised they lasted as long as they did.

I know they loved each other. They loved each other very much. But Courtney . . . I'm not sure, really, what to think of her. She marries AJ after knowing him for merely a minute. But she ends up falling in love with Jason. In my heart, I knew she was a better match with my younger son, but I never felt as if she deserved him. And she proved me right.

After his break up with Robin and the way she betrayed him, after his fiasco with Carly and the many ways she betrayed him, I was hoping Courtney would be the one to not hurt him. I never pictured her walking away from him. After that, I don't blame him for vowing never to love again.

Which is why I'm so surprised to see what I'm seeing now. And to hear the latest news from Jason's own mouth. Jason getting married again? And so soon after his divorce from Courtney. I try to make sense of it all, but Tracy ruins the moment by assuming Jason's only marrying Sam because he got her pregnant. I must admit that the thought crossed my mind, too.

"As a matter of fact, Sam and I are going to have a baby," he confirms, looking down in shame. But he looks so handsome in his suit. Sam looks nice, too. They actually make a rather striking couple. I'm just surprised they chose Courtney's charity benefit as the place to announce their engagement to us.

I look around at the others and can see that I'm not the only one in shock. But Tracy, being Tracy, is the only one amused by the whole thing. She lets out that evil cackle of hers and laughs harder than I've seen her laugh in a long time.

"Don't everyone congratulate us at once. Thanks," Sam says sarcastically, cutting her eyes at the family. And really, I can't say that I blame her. We really have treated her like . . . well, trash. I guess that's going to have to change now.

"Well, this is surprising but welcome news," Edward says, surprising me momentarily before he adds, "as long as you're sure the baby's yours."

"Let's not do this in public," I plead with them, not wanting even more of our dirty laundry aired. Nobody needs to gossip about us Quartermaines. We do a good enough job of getting our business out in the streets on our own. I'm just hoping tonight we can keep this quiet for a while until we can figure out what to do. Surely marriage isn't their only option.

"Congratulations, Son," Alan says, and I shoot him a grateful glance at trying to keep the situation calm.

"Are you kidding? Your son has just gotten trapped by a gutter-dwelling grifter who's obviously pregnant to get his money. Oh, just to make things perfectly clear: Morgan . . . Quartermaine . . . no inheritance."

That, of course, from Tracy. I just groan and look longingly towards the bar. I need a drink. Two seconds with the family and the poor girl is probably on the verge of tears. Or maybe not. Sam raises to her full 5 feet 3 inches and stares Tracy right in the eyes.

"Oh, good. No problem. Because I'd rather starve before I took money from you."

Well. That's surprising. Not backing down from a Tracy challenge. That's a good quality for someone marrying into this family to have. Maybe she's not such an unusual match for Jason after all.

That's not to say all Jason's other girlfriends and wives have been wimps. But there's something about this girl I think I like. I still don't think Jason needs to rush into marrying her, though. And I decide to tell him so once Sam steps away.

"Can I talk to you?" I ask as I approach his table.

"Yeah, go ahead and sit down."

"Thanks."

"I'm sorry that I walked away from you and Alan, but . . . " I stop his explanation right there, not wanting him to feel guilty from needing to get away from all the craziness. I can't blame him. I was kind of hoping for the floor to swallow me up to avoid that scene.

"I know, I know, and I'm sorry that the family treated you that way," I apologize. "It's just . . . Jason, we're just a little surprised. You know?"

"You know, you really shouldn't be."

Jason and I look up at the skulking form of Jasper Jax. Neither of us say anything, though. I guess we're just trying to figure out why he's so rudely interrupting our conversation. Nevertheless, the man continues with what he had to say. "Jason's never shown particularly good judgment. You know, first he signs his life over to Sonny and then he cheats on Courtney with trash like Sam."

I barely have time to register the words from Jax's mouth before Jason is out his seat and Jax is on the floor.

"Jason!" I gasp, not so much appalled by Jason's actions as I was surprised. My usually stoic son doesn't normally make this kind of a scene.

"Wait, wait! Jason, are you crazy? Just go. Leave before you wreck everything. God!" Courtney yells, putting a look on Jason's face that I haven't seen since he was eight and he broke one of his grandmother's vases. It breaks my heart to see him so dejected. And it makes it that much clearer to me why he isn't with Courtney anymore.

I'm about to say something to Courtney, but I see how she's now fawning all over Jax and decide to leave it alone. If she wants to hook up with that arrogant jerk, then more power to her. At least it'll keep her far away from my son.

My son. Who would have thought he was such a romantic guy, coming to the defense of his woman's honor. Certainly not me. But I can't deny what I saw. As much as Jason tries to run from his past, he can't run from me. I'm his mother. I know him. And I can look at him and see that he doesn't love Sam. Not yet, anyway. But based on what I did see just now, it won't be long. The look in Jason's eyes was one I'd never seen before. Not with Keesha or Robin and definitely not with Courtney. It was a look that mirrors the look his father used to give to me so long ago in the early days of our marriage.

The minute those horrible words left Jax's mouth, Jason's eyes filled with a rage fueled not by hatred, but by passion. I don't even think he realizes it yet, but Sam stirs his soul. She brings a life to him I haven't seen since his accident. What they have may not be love now, but it's something that's possibly better. They seem to complete each other in a way they can't even see yet. They seemed to have found with each other a place to belong. I think that's something they've both been searching for for so long. And it's something they're going to have for a long time.

So trust me. You know that saying about how mothers know best? Well what I know, you can take to the bank. Sam McCall, the girl who is merely trash to Jax, has ended up being my son's treasure.

I just can't wait until he discovers that fact for himself.

The end.


End file.
